Dare to Dream

9:14 AM Kaitlyn 0 Comments

I looked at the clock. It read 11:47 PM, just minutes before December 4 was up. I had just had an epiphany.

I was a dreamer.

Why had I just discovered that now? Why had I never claimed that name for myself earlier? The answer came to me as spontaneously as the initial realization occurred: my dreamer status had been hiding under fears. Fear of crushed hopes, fear of realizing my dream had changed, fear of the permanence of claiming a dream and that, if I changed, accountability would kick in and kick my joy down, too.

I'm tired of this.

I am so sick and tired of restraint-this restraint that I ALONE gave myself. Have you ever restrained yourself? Maybe you should take five real quick to do some self-examination. What stops you in your tracks? What is your limiting factor? If you're like me, or many people for that matter, it's your brain that stops you. Namely, your fears circling inside of your brain. This week, I finally finished reading a book my friend lent to me back in January (I know). It's called Crash the Chatterbox by Steven Furtick. As an enneagram type 6, I especially appreciated reading it because of my hyperawareness and endless-scenario generator. The book addresses that nagging-lil, shaming voice in the back of your head. He calls it the Chatterbox. And boy, does it chatter.

My personal chatterbox, when I let it talk, loves shame and regret and comparison and bitterness. On some days, it feels like it's gone, like when I initially jump into trying something new. But then, halfway in, when the task deepens and gets harder, I start getting uncomfortable. But, like I just learned about in math about inverse proportions, instead of the chatterbox shrinking like my confidence, it only expands. And that is when the danger begins.

A month ago, I went to an event called Drinks & Dreams (shoutout to Taylor for inviting me and Rilee for hosting!). It was a group of about twenty, and we all took turns sharing our dream for our future in ten years.

"I want to be a traveling fashion photographer, work for big retailers and have a huge demand and following." Deep down, farther then I could even sense, this is what I wanted for myself. But I was too afraid of crushed hope to raise it high. This year, my word was COURAGE. I have lived with so much fear and regret that it comes back and haunts me with the what-ifs. And I am so tired of that. There's this poem by Erin Hanson that goes,

There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?

There will always be something that has the potential to crush your dreams. But what if, instead of fearing failure, you wondered at the chances of soaring? What if you looked at life with round eyes and refused to dwell on the risk? What if you jumped in anyways? What if you stopped second-guessing yourself, started living freely and fearlessly pursued your passion, despite whatever is being thrown at you?

What if you dared to dream?

Let the fears go so you can let your dream grow. Watch your dream evolve into reality as you pursue His dream for you and it merges into yours. Trust His timing. And don't ever let go of hope.