lingered on our photo

a little too long

maybe it’s ok

maybe it’s not wrong

taking time

looking back

borrowed travel

to the past

see our smiles

see our bond

what a shame

they didn’t last

searched your name

again last night

even though i do not miss you

nosy head

stupid choice

you went backwards

back to boy

no regrets

no effects

what a shame

they’re nothing left

they were young

they were eager

just a year those feelings lingered

play those games

in your head

whisper to yourself

“he’s dead”

justify

this road you took

don’t look back

DO NOT LOOK!

say it twice

in your head

let it slip out

peek instead

there’s no boo

there’s no joy

what’d you find-

no man in boy?

he is gone

so are you

when you left

girl, you grew

two paths beckoned

one you followed

paths divided

both unfollowed

split the albums

split the strings

split the mem’ries

mute his name

leave the gifts

leave the church

leave the city

leave the pain

baggage heavy

weary travel

deep weight lifting

unexplained

flying faster

flying farther

flying lighter

running harder

cross the borders

cross her name

cross religion

cancel faith

break the ties

break the boundaries

break the bored up

stop your wond’ring

there’s no past

only tomorrow

will it last

or just bring sorrow?

life’s a blur

so don’t keep searching

do not settle

stop your reaching

don’t look back

don’t imagine

do not wander

past eleven

don’t give in

for a fleeting

don’t imagine

future meetings

time’s expensive

oops, it’s gone!

where’d they go?

oh, they’re done!

shut the door

burn the key

borrowed travel:

memories

I was scrolling through my feed on the gram and the first lines of this poem caught my eye. Written by my dear friend, Kerrie, whom I used to go to church with, she so eloquently and accurately captured the essence of relationships and the complexity of our inner selves striving to be a good friend.

Is there someone in your mind

that rolls around in there?

She did this to me, how could he?

It simply is not fair.

Just stewing on your anger

in your mind you hit replay

and think of all the sassy things

if you had the gall you'd say.

This thing they do annoys me.

This past hurt I can't let go.

You say to just forgive them?

But how do I let that go?

Relationships are tricky,

two impure people side by side.

Inevitably you'll be hurt

sin and selfishness can't hide.

Each of us has felt it-

anger, control, bitterness, greed.

Jealousy, envy, pride,

is what all our conflicts breed.

But there is hope that's stronger

and can free us from this snare

of being controlled by another

when we let bitterness linger there.

A hope of grace and rescue

from ourselves and what we let stew.

We can put to death this trap

and let peace and love ensue. 

Keep your heart with vigilance

for from it flow springs of life.

We all have hearts that need to change

if any relationship be made right.

The Giver of grace is willing

he hears your whisper and your shout.

And by his Spirit's power

he can change you from the inside out. 

The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life.

None who run to this fountain will thirst.

For we will walk in newness of life

because Christ was raised to glory first.

If he can conquer sin and death

and reign and rule at God's right hand,

then there is no relationship

that is too hard for his command.

Whatever is true, whatever is lovely

whatever is just and pure,

our God has made a way for peace

as we humble ourselves, he'll restore.

Our hope is in our Savior

who has perfectly related to all.

And because he's walked our trials

he thinks our conflicts no thing small.

Freedom is found in his love

and in his lavish grace we stand.

As we extend this grace to friends

with a generous open hand.

Let compassion rule the day.

Humility, meekness, patience, prayer too.

Look for the good in this person

Be at peace as much as depends on you.

In Christ we have a hope 

it has called us out by name.

An inheritance of glory

where none will be put to shame.

And one day when we get there

Oh how enlightened our hearts will be.

All the wrestling with each other

a blip on the radar of eternity.

Kerrie DeBerry

she grew from the drama

she grew from the pain

what she once thought was loss

turned out to be gain

she learned from the drama

she navigated with peace

His wisdom has guided her

now her soul is at ease

she bloomed from the drama

she was stretched so she grew

the rose you see now

was her pain, reproduced

she danced through the drama

in rocky soil she found gold

she’s free from her past

now liberty sings in her soul

she thrives past the drama

she was blessed with His eyes

if there’s one thing they need

it’s peace, she realized

she grew from the drama

she grew from the pain

her soul rests in knowing

by His grace, she sustains

I've been chasing their approval

Though it's not for me to take

Still, it's ever in my mind-

Will my deed they appreciate?

I look up at my mirror

I squint, then shake my head

That woman I see

Longs to dance freely

Yet she binds herself

And hides the key

Day by day she wonders

When she will learn to just let go

It's easy to preach

Easier to condemn

But no amount of inner lectures

Can give success to her attempts

I've realized just this week

I've been chasing their approval

And how trying to hold on

Is poison to my survival

I look up at my mirror

Inhale deep

Smile

See-

A woman who is flying free

With only moments of cold feet

She is learning to let go

To breathe and exhale peace

She has found the key to success-

Let her approval only

Be from her King

I don't know about you, but I've been rather sick of hearing about the Coronavirus over and over again; on the media, at the dinner table, Instagram...it's the topic of every conversation. Personally, I haven't been fearful or overwhelmed by it yet, even though, to be completely transparent, it was a threat to many of my family members. I'm not sure if it's because of my defense mechanism of not fully processing it so that I won't begin panicking and therefore overwhelmed it, but I'd like to believe the real reason is because of hope. See, when you have hope, it's impossible to surrender completely to fear. We're human, so it's natural to go through the motions and emotions and react to this pandemic. But if we choose hope over fear, I believe we can not only continue to live fearlessly, but live joyfully, too. Hoping doesn't mean ignoring the problems at hand; it means seeing those problems yet choosing to intentionally focus on His faithfulness in the face of trial.

Last week, my sister and I chose Psalm 71:5 to memorize and I just realized how providential it connects with the theme of On The Horizon.

For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O Lord, from my youth.

My confidence in this season of unknown and lurking disease is His faithfulness, because from my childhood, He has always been my source of hope and trust; a dependable safe place I can always run to, no matter the circumstance.

I scribbled this poem down, the other day, in just a few minutes. I hope your heart is lifted when you read this. May we remember that in these trials, no matter how restricted or quarantined we are, we will never be forsaken or separate from God.

Rain

Regret washes over me

Run

Hide

Lock

Cry

Despair washes over me

Heave

Hard

Overwhelm

Knocked to knees

Kneel down

Cry

Plead

Stop

Please

Where is the end?

When will the pain leave?

How will this heal?

When will this fear flee?

Try to get up

Fall down again

Try to speak up

Shut down once again

Key in lock

Sob

Protest

Assurance—

Safe

Cry of relief

Get back up

Stand

Breathe

Rain

Falls down my face

The heaves continue

Continue their pace

No turning back

Stay

Release

In

Out

Breathe that air

In

Out

Heaves cease

In

Out

Despair tumbling

In

Out

Rain from my eyes sting

Roll

Down

It will be all right

Deep

Breath

Real embrace

Smile a little

Comfort

Erase

Let it flow

Down

Out

Let it go

Time

Out

Finally heard

Time

Slows

Finally free

Time to cry

Finally safe

Time to be held

It’s time to breathe

It’s time to release

Hold on to hope

Hold on to love

His promises

Are forever enough

This time is hard

The past is rough

But by God’s grace

He is enough

Truth will set

Set you free

But when,

I wonder,

Will it set me free?

Healing will come

God promises that

On earth or in heaven

One day

It will last

But

For now

In this world of pain

Look to His promise

And be released from the rain

Pain

Rain

Peace washes over me

Cling to hope

Releaseー

Please breathe

It will be okay

Just wait

You’ll see

The past is no more

You are here

The rain is no more

Joy is near


dedicated to my sister. thank you for making me feel free enough to release, for praying for me and diligently seeking the Lord in this situation and so much more. you are my warrior, baby doll!