YOUR PAIN IS NOT POINTLESS.

12:00 AM Kaitlyn 1 Comments

YOUR PAIN IS NOT POINTLESS. 

Have you ever wondered why you’ve been stuck in a situation for so long? Maybe you felt alone, depressed or unloved. You’re not the only one.

About five years ago, when I was 12, I went through a heck of a lot of changes. My best friend moved, my church split and we switched homeschool groups. In the middle of all that, I lost a lot of friends due to them either moving, switching churches or losing touch. It was hard.

For four years, I silently suffered.

Wondering why I felt so alone.

Wishing for another best friend.

Waiting for more girls my age to join our support group or church.

And yet…that never happened. Not for a while. I cried so often that it became a part of me. I got used to the pain. I’d cry at my desk when I was by myself but I didn’t let anyone hear me. Many pages in my journal were filled with things like “I feel so alone,” “I wish I didn’t hide it but I’m scared”, and “I’m crying as I write this.”

Maybe this is somewhat familiar to you. I don't know what you've gone through, but maybe you've experienced loneliness or depression before. Maybe you've been waiting for a good group of friends, and you don't fit in with anyone yet. I wait and wondered and wished for so long. I was unhappy when all I was surrounded with was younger kids and people who were different than me. There were lots of dinner parties at our house that I’d leave to go behind a closed door. It hurt that all we seemed to invite were families with kids who weren’t my age, weren’t like me, and didn’t make an effort to talk to me. My life became a pity party. Crying. Dreading. Constantly feeling alone. On the outside I held up fine, but when I was alone, I fell into that depression over and over again. I still struggle with this sometimes, but I’ve realized all that was NOT pointless. 

See, last year, I came to realize that through all that? God was trying to teach me something. But I was so stuck in my feelings and self-pity that I couldn’t see it. I missed it. So I think He let me continue through until I got it. God taught me that I should be content in everything and that my sisters were really and truly my best friends. He transformed my mindset and I now understand that I was so self-focused that I had an attitude of entitlement. Waiting on them to come to me. Waiting for them to talk to me. Waiting for them to stop excluding me. I see now how much time I wasted just wishing. God didn't give us all this time to sit around and mope! He wants us and empowers us to take action! If only I had seen that then and had taken the courage to help myself. But I was stuck, oh so stuck, in this cookie-cutter-mindset of good friends would come and talk to me that I missed out on conversations that might have blessed be. 

While yes, I do have a little bit of regret about that, I mostly look back at that period of my life as a growth season. Despite the many tears, the wishful thinking, the lack of action and the daily cries to God, I learned so much. I was stretched emotionally and spiritually, but now, I have so much more wisdom and peace because of it. My pain was not painless, and God was not deaf to my cries. Throughout this all, I just grew closer and closer to God, and I quickly realized that He was and is the only perfect One who can be my forever peace and comfort. But that doesn't mean you don't need people, too! God created us to be in relationships and brings us so much joy through it. However, sometimes, we have an ideal in our heads or we just can't find a good group, and that can tear you apart if you let it.

Another lesson I learned is that you don’t always need to have friends who are exactly the same as you. In fact, my group of friends now aren’t exactly like me or my age, but they love Jesus and each other. I’ve come to realize that being joyful in life is NOT dependent on whether or not I have people I like surrounding me. It is based on where your heart is (am I focused on Christ or my circumstances?), being grateful for everything and staying content in what’s in front of you. Please know that if you’re in a similar place right now, this isn’t the end. There IS a reason for your suffering and it is for a good purpose. In my case, it was and still is to teach me to be content and praise God in everything. And if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m just a DM away! :) 

God’s plan…😉🎶 It is GOOD and it has an amazing purpose for your life. You may not know what it is, but one day, God willing, you’ll be able to look back and smile at the journey and progress you’ve made. My pain was not pointless, and yours isn't either. No matter what the devil is trying to lie to you, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, my friend! There is hope in front of you! 🌈

What your Father says about loneliness and tough seasons:

Be content with what you have, for [God] has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.